the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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