apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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