some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
