Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i now understand why vodka
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
