Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
