we have officially lost it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
