just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
