wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
