before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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