CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
