I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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