Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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