I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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