Welp...herpes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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