either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
