Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
