I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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