We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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