I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
