a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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