I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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