and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
