And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We were destined to go to rehab together
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
