I'm gonna have a badass scar
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
