Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
