Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
