nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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