U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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