Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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