Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
