I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
