Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
