literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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