I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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