we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
