i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This baby is an asshole
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
