we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
