I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
