I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
