Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
