i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
