Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
