If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
