I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
