you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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