Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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