On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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