she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
