i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
tell me about the eggs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
