is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
