I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
