so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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