My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
