New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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